Blue Skies

Blue Skies

Blue skies enveloping clouds of white
A welcome reprieve from greys and browns 
From dull and dormant

Blue skies appear
The sun's warmth shining through
For those who pause
Who open shields and receive

My dad died
The skies were grey, desolate
Sadness filled the universe
As I knew it

For days, the heavenly world
Mourned in greys and blacks
The earth turned frigid
While winds of grief blew in

My dad died.
And I am sad
Sadder than I expected
Wasn’t I ready?
Hadn’t I grieved already?
Grieved the pieces of him
We lost along the way.

They say you are never ready
To lose a parent
Oh, but I am different
I am so experienced with death.

We were all so worn; so weary
We knew we could not care for him at home much longer
The journey had been arduous
And our strength was waning
Our reserve spent.

So I was ready.
He lived a great 93+ years
Kept his humor, his love of life all the way
But slowly dementia had invaded
Clashing with his independent, stalwart nature
He struggled
Oftentimes, not trusting those closest to him – his kids!

It was so painful
I was so ready
We were all so ready.

Nevertheless, I am sad.
I weep for the loss of my whole dad
I weep for the days he struggled
And I could not make it better … enough
I could not make it pretty . . . enough
I, with all my knowledge and experience
Could not control his final days . . . enough.

I pray he now know
That I tried
Oh how I tried.
We all did, Dad.
We all did

My dad died
And I am sad.

But happy he could be at home
With all of us
Happy for the love of family and friends
Cocooning his final days
Loving him
Always loving him.

May he know peace.

I post this  as I post all my writings, in hopes that it may speak to others whose journeys might bring them to similar experiences.   I post in the hope that sharing my truth might help others carry theirs!      Thanks for reading!     Your comments are most appreciated! Pat