Blue Skies Blue skies enveloping clouds of white A welcome reprieve from greys and browns From dull and dormant Blue skies appear The sun's warmth shining through For those who pause Who open shields and receive My dad died The skies were grey, desolate Sadness filled the universe As I knew it For days, the heavenly world Mourned in greys and blacks The earth turned frigid While winds of grief blew in My dad died. And I am sad Sadder than I expected Wasn’t I ready? Hadn’t I grieved already? Grieved the pieces of him We lost along the way. They say you are never ready To lose a parent Oh, but I am different I am so experienced with death. We were all so worn; so weary We knew we could not care for him at home much longer The journey had been arduous And our strength was waning Our reserve spent. So I was ready. He lived a great 93+ years Kept his humor, his love of life all the way But slowly dementia had invaded Clashing with his independent, stalwart nature He struggled Oftentimes, not trusting those closest to him – his kids! It was so painful I was so ready We were all so ready. Nevertheless, I am sad. I weep for the loss of my whole dad I weep for the days he struggled And I could not make it better … enough I could not make it pretty . . . enough I, with all my knowledge and experience Could not control his final days . . . enough. I pray he now know That I tried Oh how I tried. We all did, Dad. We all did My dad died And I am sad. But happy he could be at home With all of us Happy for the love of family and friends Cocooning his final days Loving him Always loving him. May he know peace.
I post this as I post all my writings, in hopes that it may speak to others whose journeys might bring them to similar experiences. I post in the hope that sharing my truth might help others carry theirs! Thanks for reading! Your comments are most appreciated! Pat